Words Will Hurt Me
by AnimaBaya
Summary: Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me', that's a saying everyone has heard right? Well, Ed calls Roy a very 'bad' name and now Roy wants revenge. Rated T for some cursing, and soldiers that go 'boom'. [Completed]
1. Default Chapter

Well, erm.. I was bored out of my flippin' mind one day in the school library, for some reason I cannot comprehend; this fic was born while doing math homework, I immediately pulled out my trusty note-book and started writing it down.

Inspired by an incident that a friend told me happened to her, I'm not going into the details though, let's just say I'll never call a bishie a very bad name in front of obsessed fan girls.

This is a two-part fic. I will be posting the next one in a few days.

**disclaimer:** I don't own Full Metal Alchemist But I do own these cool FMA trading cards!

* * *

**Words will hurt me**

Edward Elric was busy enjoying his lunch one day; a tray of pasta and bread. After a long exhaustfull night and morning of research, he would have gladly eaten several plates, but alas! One plate per person. Everyone was having their lunch break so it was crowded and noisy all throughout the mess hall. Once Ed found a suitable table he sat down and happily devoured the food, savoring the delectable flavor of tomato sauce and Parmesan, but completely ignoring the small bottle of milk that came along with it.

"Not drinking your milk again Full metal?"

Ed nearly chocked on a piece of noodle once he heard the mocking voice of Colonel Mustang himself, his hands folded across his chest, an evil smirk painted on his face. Ed glared.

"So what if I don't?" said Ed. "I hate milk!"

"Seriously, Full metal if you don't drink your milk you're going to be short for the rest of your life."

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SHORT BECAUSE THEY DON'T DRINK THEIR MILK?".

Roy smirked, _this is going to be fun._

"Sorry Full metal, I couldn't hear you from down there."

"THAT'S IT!" yelled Ed, jumping up and slamming his fist on the table spilling the bottle of milk all over the place. "Come here and let's settle this man-to-man!"

The whole mess hall became as silent as a funeral, all eyes were watching Edward and Roy, everyone was waiting for the older man to reply. Roy was still smirking.

"Man-to-man?" said Roy, in a rather playful tone, "where's the other man, Full metal?"

He said it while looking from left to right, as if he was looking for someone. Edward was growling like a dog that had their food stolen. Roy continued on.

"Sorry, there's no other man that wants to challenge the Flame Alchemist ("Hey! We're men!" Someone from the crowd said. "Shut up, Bob!"), maybe you could tell this 'man' to challenge me when he's a bit more visible."

With that Roy Mustang turned around and started to leave the mess hall in contempt, that he had a sense of accomplishment that day, he mentally gave himself a pat on the back. Until...

"ROY MUSTANG DOESN'T WANT TO FIGHT A MAN BECAUSE HE'S A **GIRLY MAN!**" Yea, you guessed it, it was Ed who said it. (Don't kill me Roy fangirls.)

An enormous gasp erupted from the mess hall as they stare at the soon-to-be-dead shor-erm, young alchemist.

"What did you just say?" said Roy, his voice shaking slightly from anger, veins were appearing from his forehead.

"I said 'ROY MUSTANG IS A **GIRLY MAN!**'"

A death-filled silence engulfed the whole mess hall as every soldier mourn in advanced for Edward. One thing every one knows in headquarters, apparently excluding Ed, never, _ever _call the Colonel a 'girly man'.

Flames of anger can be seen on the Colonel's eyes as he slipped in his embroidered glove, preparing to cremate Edward alive. Ed on the other hand was the one smirking this time he was proud of himself for finally finding a weakness to the great Flame Alchemist.

"You know Full metal you're going to pay for that insult." said Roy preparing his fingers in a snapping position. Soldiers cowered behind anything solid enough to protect them.

"Yeah, right. Like how?" Ed taunted. "Burn me to a crisp? Ha!"

"Something far more worse."

Ed scoffed, preparing to fight too. "Go ahead, I can take you!"

Mustang chuckled menacingly retreating his hands, several soldiers gave a sigh of relief.

"Oh no, I'm not going to attack you right now Full metal."

"Eh?"

"I'm not going to attack you right now, oh no, not right now, maybe later...maybe tomorrow...maybe even next week. Be prepared, Full metal, because when you least expect it. I'll attack." Roy started to head to the exit. Soldiers were reappearing again.

"Maybe **now!**" Roy turned around abruptly, making every one scream like little girls, excluding Ed. Roy continued walking.

"OR NOW!"

"RIGHT NOW!"

"OR MAYBE NOW!"

He finally reached the exit, and left, leaving behind a room full of people about to get a heart attack.

"**_OR NOW!_**" He yelled abruptly poking his head in the room making everyone, and again excluding Ed, scream like girls.

"What a moron." said Ed continuing on with is meal. "Mmm... spaghetti!"

* * *

"Have you heard?" 

"What?"

"Full metal called the Colonel a - you know..."

"A what?"

-squint-"Full metal called the Colonel..._a girly man!"_

BOOM!

* * *

"Colonel, don't blow up the soldiers!" scolded Hawkeye. 

"They started it!" whined Roy.

"..."

* * *

Everyone in headquarters was looking at Edward rather gravely the rest of the day. Rumors were spreading that Ed's going to die soon. And Alphonse was wondering why were there funeral flowers in their dormitory, which Edward completely annihilated on sight. 

"Why did you do that, brother?" asked Al watching his older brother chop the poor innocent flowers to pieces.

"I am not going to die!"

"Who says you're going to die?-" Al paused "you insulted the Colonel again didn't you?"

"So what if I did?"

"What did you call him this time?"

"I just called him a freakin' _girly man_! What the heck's wrong with that?"

"...you did?"

"So what if I did?"

Al went silent for a few seconds before he started laughing his head off. Well literally, he laughed too much that the helmet on his armor fell off.

"No wonder the Colonel's going to kill you!"

* * *

Too bad for the Elrics, the Colonel was eavesdropping just outside their room. Roy took out a little black note book. (To anyone who doesn't know about this note book, this is where he keeps a list of all the people who called him-that-) He opened a page and wrote down:

Note:

New target: Alphonse Elric.

Type of revenge: Not saying...

"Watch out Alphonse... your first!" insert crazy chuckle here

* * *

"BROTHER! HELP ME!" 

Al's pleading yells can be heard all through out headquarters, perhaps even the whole city; along with raging yowls and hisses. 'Yowls and hisses'?

"Could ya please be quiet out there!" Havoc came out of his office and yelled. "I'm trying to-OH MY GOD!"

"Lieutenant Havoc, help me!"

A tsunami of cats were right behind Al, meowing and yowling after the poor suit of armor, and the poor second lieutenant. Desperate to run for their lives they turned on every corner they can; left, right, left, left, right, right-Oops! A dead end, poor guys...

Havoc: "What the hell did you do?"

Al: "I don't know they just started chasing me!"

Mob of psycho cats: "YEOWRRLL!"

Both Havoc and Al: "AARRGGHH!"

* * *

Roy Mustang was chuckling to himself when First Lieutenant Hawkeye entered his office. Knowing immediately the Colonel was at fault here she still said. 

"Sir I'm very sorry to interrupt your work but Alphonse and Lieutenant Havoc are being, well... chased by cats."

Roy started to laugh. "Please let Full metal handle this problem for me, Lieutenant."

"Yes, sir." and reluctantly she left and looked for Edward.

Immediately when Hawkeye left, Mustang brought out his little black book again and checked out Al's name on the list.

"Next target: Full metal" he smiled to himself placing his book back under his desk along with and empty bag of cat-nip.

"Watch out Ed you're next." -insert maniacal laughter here-

And the whole scene blacks out; end of part one.

* * *

Well, hope you guys like it.

Part two will be coming soon if I get a good response on this one!

My pet the 'go' button down there is very hungry. could you please feed it? he likes reviews!

Flames will be unacceptable and I will order my hamsters to attack you!


	2. Roy gets his revenge

Whoa, I'm surprised that everyone liked part one! And here I thought I would get a couple of flames from Roy fan girls!

To anyone who was wondering why Al got involved with Mustang's insaneness my only explanation is that I made Roy kind of sensitive of the word 'girly man' -gasp- (looks around), you know, kind of like Ed being way to sensitive of being short, so now he hates anyone who calls him or laughs at the word 'girly man'.

Part two only took me a few days to finish and I was supposed to update ages ago but alas, I was on vacation and my laptop's wireless connection doesn't work on a different state. But it did gave me time to add and fix a few things!

So now, enjoy!

_Nearly forgot_

**disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist.**

* * *

Words Will Hurt Me

Part two:

After the cat-nip-in-Al's-armor incident, Everyone was expecting was expecting Ed to be trampled by a stampede of dogs. When they finally found the 'remains' of the two victims; Havoc was severely slashed and scratched, while Al was filled with catnip remains, fur-ball, and other disgusting stuff.

On a side note!

A day later; poor Havoc was under his desk, in a fetal position, shaking uncontrollably, muttering something about homicidal, demonized cats. While Alphonse, on the other hand, was still having trouble trying to clean fur-balls off of his armor. Edward was fuming.

"Putting catnip on Al's armor, what a cheap trick!" Edward raged the following day.

"Brother, I think I still have fur-balls on my foot . . . " said Al trying to ignore Ed's wrath, while cleaning his armor up.

"Let me help you out . . . " said Ed, completely switching moods. He sat down and started checking out Al's metal feet. He felt something weird in one foot . . . he grimaced.

"Al, that's not fur-ball."

"Ew . . . "

* * *

It's been a week now since Mustang vowed to take revenge on Edward, and so far there's not one scratched on the young alchemist. Everyone's starting to doubt that Mustang _would_ attack Ed.

"Say, Ed." Said Al one afternoon. "Aren't you worried?"

"Eh? About what?"

"You know the Colonel taking revenge on you for calling him a –you know . . . "

"Hell, no! I am not afraid of what that girly–"

"Hey, Ed!"

"DON'T HURT ME!" Edward yelled, covering himself with his arms from the wrath of . . . Hughes?

"Whoa there!" said Hughes calming the terrified alchemist down. "It's just me!"

"Do _not _scare me like that!" yelled Edward.

"Sorry . . . "

"Good afternoon, Lieutenant Colonel!" said Al, bowing politely at Hughes.

"Good afternoon to you too, Al, Ed." Hughes greeted back, then changing the subject. "So, are the rumors true?"

"What rumors?" the two brothers said.

"That Ed is going to be blown to bits by a bomb Roy planted on Ed's body?"

The Elrics just gave him a what-the-f--k looks.

"Not true, huh?" Hughes smiled and placed his hands inside his pockets. "Knowing Roy, he wouldn't waste time with a bomb, he would have blown you up on plain sight, for calling him a -that-."

Even Hughes couldn't say it. He had personally witnessed what happened to Roy's 'victims' when they call him that name.

flash back-

"Roy Mustang's girly!" (Six years old)

BONK!

"Roy! Stop throwing things at people!" Yelled Maes. (Eight years old)

"They started it!" whined Roy.

Another one:

"Drop the gun!" Roy ordered to the robber, while also holding up his own gun. (Roy's somewhere around 20)

"No, I won't!"

"I said _drop the gun! NOW!_"

"Go to hell, you girly-"

BANG!

end of flash back-

It was way too horrible to describe the rest . . .

"So, Hughes," said Ed waking Hughes out of his thoughts. "Any idea on what the Colonel's gonna do?"

"Not a clue! Sorry." apologized Hughes, "But, I do have some advice: Watch your back, Ed. And if by any chance you're alone, let it not be in a rest room."

"How come?"

"Trust me. You don't want to know." Said Hughes, remembering one of Roy's victims take a 'trip' down the toilet, a very, _very_ dirty toilet.

"On a side note! Have you guys seen my new pictures of Elicia? She's so cute isn't she?"

Well let's leave it at that . . .

* * *

For the following days everything was normal. Normal, as in people mourning for Ed even though he still walks with the living, funeral flowers pouring out of the Elrics' dormitory, and people walking up to Alphonse giving him their 'condolences'; which was the last straw that broke the camel's back, or in other terms broke the alchemist's back.

"Brother," said Al getting really scared of his brother now, "you shouldn't have done that."

"And why the hell shouldn't I?" raged Edward, "I'm not dead, Al!"

"But burying them underground is a bad idea!"

"Serves them right for thinking I'm dead. And besides I left their heads in the surface."

"You buried them in the middle of the road!"

**Somewhere in a busy street:**

"Somebody help us!"

"Please!"

BEEP!

"Aaaaaarrrrrrgggggghhhhh!"

_Poor unfortunate slouls..._

"A couple of screaming heads can easily catch attention, Al" said Ed, shrugging off his problem. "Don't worry!"

"But . . . "

"No 'buts'" Ed interfered "I don't want to talk about it anymore. If anyone's looking for me tell them, I'm at the library."

"...okay brother . . . " Al gave up.

* * *

Edward remained in the library for the rest of the day, surrounding himself with the safety of books. His reasons: one, he was behind his studies, and two, Mustang wouldn't dare use his flame in the library. Ed smiled to himself.

He continued on reading ignoring the fact that he was locked in for the night again, all alone until dawn. Ed was halfway through his third book when he finally decided to call it a night. He marked his book and settled down on the floor using his crimson coat as a pillow.

Unbeknownst to anyone, especially Ed, Roy also locked himself in the library. Somewhere around midnight he emerged from inside a broom closet, walking cautiously; he started looking for Ed, finally finding him sleeping soundly right next to a pile of books, he smirked.

"Well, well, looks like I can finally have my revenge, Fullmetal."

Poor Ed was sleeping like a log that he was seriously unaware that Mustang was just above him with a very maniacal smile, coming down on him initiating his 'revenge'.

* * *

Authors' notes:

Just for fun.

I'm giving you a few moments to imagine what Roy is doing to Ed, and I mean _anything. _It can be as dirty, or as weird, or as serious as you like. Just think of something. And see if it fits well with the conclusion.

Once you're done, go ahead and continue reading.

I'm giving you a few moments . . .

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oooooooooooLah dee dah!oooooooo

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oooo

Done already? Okay continue on!

* * *

Roy was finished, he stood up and admired his handy work, putting his hands on his hips he stared down at the oblivious boy, so quiet, so innocent, so angelic... Roy prepared to leave.

"Thanks for the fun, Ed."

ooo

Ed woke up the next day feeling rather refreshed. Apparently he had no clue to what Roy did to him last night. He was surprised to see that all the books were all placed back in the shelves, saving him time and energy. He stood up and stretched around for a few seconds and headed off to the mess hall to eat. He couldn't help but feel a bit odd. . . he shrugged it off.

* * *

An enormous scream erupted inside headquarters, louder than Al's a few weeks earlier. Roy Mustang chuckled, he immediately deduced that the noise came from Edward.

"I guess Fullmetal discovered my little gift for him." Said more to himself than to the person with him.

"Sir?" said Hawkeye. "What did you do?"

"You'll find out soon lieutenant–" Roy paused hearing pounding footsteps from the hallway. "In fact you'll find out right . . . "

"YOU BASTARD!"

Edward erupted from the office doors; slamming them open nearly breaking it off the hinges. Anger radiated strongly from the kid–erm teen that flames were practically burning in the background.

"Now . . . " finished Roy trying to hold down a laugh. Hawkeye's eyes widened.

"You (insert streams of very violent and dirty curse words here)! Is this your way of taking revenge on a person? You're SICK!"

Poor Hawkeye couldn't take it anymore. She excused herself from the office and locked herself up in the restroom laughing her heart out.

"Fullmetal, I'm hurt." said Roy, rather hurt yet still containing his mirth "I had fun playing with you last night."

"But I am not a–"

"Now, now Fullmetal why do you deny your kind?" sneered Mustang looking at the poor alchemist. "I worked hard fitting you in those striped brown shirt and white jumper, it took me hours just to paint your skin orange, but I seriously enjoyed dyeing your hair green."

Roy couldn't hold it anymore, he started laughing out loud, banging his fists on his desk, falling of is chair literally on the floor squirming from laughter. Poor Edward wasn't amused. In fact he was pissed.

"I AM NOT AN OOMPA LOOMPA YOU JERK!"

Anyone seen the old version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory? Remember those creepy singing midgets? How about the Oompa Loompa from the Nerds candy?

Yeah, I got the idea from that... Edward Elric please don't kill me.

Tell me what you think and huge thankies to the people who read my fic!


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